Beyond the Headlines: Resources & Tools to Prevent Violence in our Communities
As we head into Domestic Violence Awareness Month, our collective spirit is bearing witness to the national response to the allegations of sexual assault at Cornell University and Louisiana State University. Our feeds are filled with survivors protecting Jane Doe’s identity and standing with her, sharing their own stories, and making it clear that this is not one isolated incident. Support for Kendall Francis is pouring out as she shows tremendous bravery in demanding justice and naming the athlete involved, who received what many have described as an inadequate institutional response.
Across the globe, India is facing a wave of protests in support of the 17-year-old girl who was allegedly gang raped by three men posing as police officers. Women in the Congo continue to face sexual violence perpetrated by militia groups. The people of Palestine, not to be forgotten amid an ongoing war and decades of occupation, continue to fight for justice, including as reports of sexual violence against Palestinians in detention continue to emerge. Women and girls in Afghanistan, living under Taliban rule, continue to experience violence and oppression beyond what reporting can fully capture.
Let us take a breath. Whether you are a survivor, advocate, community member, student, or parent, we see you, we stand with you, and we are holding you close.
I paint this picture because I don’t want us to forget how widespread this issue is, regardless of whether there is media coverage or not. Sexual and gender-based violence is pervasive across the world, and in moments when we are forced to reckon with the pervasiveness of this preventable violence, there are several questions we may ask ourselves: has it always been this bad? What can actually be done to stop this? What can I do in this moment?
At the same time that we are seeing an outpouring of solidarity from survivors, we are also seeing an influx of parents and community members, including men, who are speaking up. They are calling on other men to ask why the 50 other men in a Snapchat group did not intervene. They are asking their young children what they would do if they saw a friend or stranger being hurt. They are offering their support to survivors rather than leaving women and gender-expansive people to bear the brunt of this awareness alone.
In the middle of a moment when so much can feel like we are moving backward, I find this response hopeful. And I encourage us to pay attention and not let this become another moment in a media frenzy.
We each have a role to play in preventing violence in our communities. When I say this is a preventable issue, I truly do believe that. It takes a large cultural shift in our thinking and norms, a narrative shift in how we learn, consume media, and talk about violence, and a shift in accountability.
All of those factors are shaped by us. People shape policy, response, attitude, belief, and culture. Let’s not underestimate our own power. This is how change happens, and we have seen it time and time again.
If you feel called to do something, start by believing survivors. Contrary to what your feed may tell you, you do not actually need every detail of what happened when someone shares their story with you. Listen. Support them. Educate yourself on the spectrum of sexual and gender-based violence, because the media covers what gets traction and we need to remember how many cases go unreported or never make the news.
Support your local rape crisis center or domestic violence organization. These organizations offer free services to survivors and families. Make a donation, offer your time, and better yet, do both and bring your friends with you.
For parents and older family members, talk to your children. Regardless of their age or gender, have clear conversations about consent, boundaries, healthy relationships, who they feel they can turn to if someone hurts them, their bodily autonomy, and how they would intervene if they knew someone was being hurt.
For men and boys, come for your fellow brothers. Speak up when a sexist joke is made. Don’t laugh at rape jokes. Teach each other to be better. Yes, not all men. And men are overwhelmingly represented among perpetrators of reported violence. Does that mean men cannot be victims? Absolutely not. Does it mean the male community has a problem that we need to address? Yes. It is a disservice to all men when these are our headlines. Healthy masculinity frees you, too.
Hold institutions accountable. Policies like Title IX are only meaningful if they are enforced. Use your position and privilege to protect survivors, not the institution.
We know having these conversations can be hard. You might not know where to start, or you might not want to talk about all of these things at once. As advocates, we get it. To help jumpstart the process, we have compiled a list of a few resources from various organizations, including SOAR members, across the country - use what works for you and tailor it to what you need.
Information for parents of preschoolers , elementary school-aged children, middle school-aged children, and high school-aged children about personal safety.
Short reels featuring a dad and a mom having a simple conversation with their children using age appropriate language
Talking About Consent and Healthy Relationships at Every Age
South Asian Network’s Awaaz Toolkit for South Asian community and faith based leaders to lead conversations on sexual and gender based violence
SOAR’s consent zine to have conversations with young adults on boundaries and their bodies
A healthy relationships and healthy sex guide for parents of teenagers and young adults
When I began writing this letter, I didn’t specifically set out to make this a South Asian issue, because it is and it is not. Across cultures and communities, we are seeing people experience violence. But I am compelled to speak directly to my beloved Desi community.
At SOAR, we have an abundance of love for the South Asian diaspora. That’s why SOAR was founded. We needed a place to elevate and amplify the unique experiences and stories of South Asian survivors.
To my South Asian communities, SOAR’s commitment to you is that we refuse to let violence lurk in the shadows of our community. But we need your help, and our ask is very simple: start by having a conversation with your family and friends. Challenge the harmful beliefs. Speak up. Honor the person, not the relationship.
I ask this of you because we, survivors, organizations, and allies, do this work for you and for our communities every day.
This DVAM, join us. Stand with survivors, allies, and leaders across the country who are saying no more, and recognize the role you have in creating a future in preventing violence.
With love,
